Thought it might be time for a little update

OK, so it's not that anything fun or exciting has happened, but, I have been procrastinating writing for more than a week. I'll sit down to write, but nothing happens ...

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Things I've learned and/or don't understand this week:

1. Some things are better left unsaid. I need to know when to keep my mouth shut (or my typing fingers in a resting position). Fact is, I over-think things when others haven't given the issue much thought at all. Then I look like an ass -- and feel like one, too.

2. Some things are better left undone. (Alas, we are imperfect.)

3. Why do Dorsey and Jordie play ridiculous video games and yell at them the whole time? What's the point?

4. "Criminal Minds" is my new favorite show while I have to wait on "Dexter" for next season. I especially like dorky Dr. Reid and sexy Derrick Morgan.

5. I'm horrified to say I am tempted to rent all the "Grey's Anatomy" shows where I left off after I dumped the show. I've been to the gym several times when they've had it playing on one of the cable networks. No, no, no, no! I wanna be mad at it!!!

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I'm scheduled to run 24 miles on Sunday. I'm seriously wondering how well that's going to turn out when I haven't eaten well most of the week, thanks to stomach problems. Guess I'll find out. (And I'll need to have lots of that nasty GU available.)

It's truly hard to believe when I first said I was going to run a marathon (in June) that I would stick it out and actually see it through. I think I must have expected to get injured, or something. I played basketball my whole life (almost) with injuries of various sorts, most specifically in my feet, so it surprises me that I have made it this far.

I think one thing that's taken the enjoyment out of this endeavor for me is the worry of getting a race-ending injury. When I run, I think too much about what's hurting and what isn't, about whether it's serious or just a normal ache and pain. It's like running ... but having to be cautious and careful the whole time, which sort of takes the "fun" out of it. I would rather "run with abandon."

I really need to get this one under my belt. Just six weeks away. Wow.

And I'm nervous.

I've also discovered that even though I listen to my iPod while I run, and I specifically concentrate on lyrics to songs, I still can't shut my brain off when I want to. I still think too much about things I'd rather not think about ... or things I'd rather not roll over and over in my mind. Can I not catch a break? Just ... run ... just let me go ... for once. Let me be free of myself.

Maybe that's why I like sleep so much.

It is my refuge on earth, anyway.